My Dad and Love

It is now 2013 and I think I am finally ready to write this post and get back into blogging.  We have some catching up to do on this blog. We lost my Dad very unexpectedly in August and life has been different since. This Friday is his birthday and as I reflect on the last 5 months I realize that I have learned a lot about life and love and loss.

The single greatest lesson that I learned from all of this pain and loss so far is that even in your darkest moments there is still hope, and there is still love.  And I want my kids to know this so I am putting it in the blog (Which I print into a hardcover book for them) And I want them to know that if anything ever happens to me or their Dad- they can still love and hope and that there will be signs of our love for them all around.

I know this because I witnessed the greatest outpouring of love and support from friends, neighbors, old friends, new friends, and family when my Dad passed.  I know this because I saw signs of my Dad’s love everywhere, and it still carries me through.  And I know this because even when you are so so sad, the simplest gesture from a friend, a funny comment from your child, can make life a little easier.

The weeks before Dad died he was visiting me in Dallas, and on our way to the airport (the last time I saw him) he spied my decrepit, dying, pot of sunflowers on our porch. They were beyond dead in summer’s triple digit heat. This picture represents them on a Good Day.

Visual of my Dead Sunflowers

My Dad insisted that I water them and I told him that Peyton had planted them, they never bloomed, and we just had let them die weeks ago and I would pull them up as soon as I had a second. He kept insisting I water them until Mom finally told him to “let it go.”.  Dad died 2 weeks later and I spent over a week in Austin, when I finally returned home for a few days I pulled up to the house for the first time and saw this .

The simplest, healthiest, sunflower blooming, No water for months, no extra care.  Just a good rainstorm and what I believe was someone’s way of letting me know that it was going to be ok. Maybe even my Dad.

A few weeks later we went to the beach,  Dad and Mom had planned a trip for our entire family with my brother and his family who live overseas at our family’s special vacation spot. Dad was so excited about it.  It was a very hard trip to take, and things didn’t go as planned with mom getting sick and not being able to join us right away. Imagine my feeling as we walked down the boardwalk for the first time to see the beach, after driving several hours in the car with the kids, and were greeted with the most sunflowers I’ve ever seen at once.  Just another sign that things will be ok.

I also know this because 2 days AFTER Dad died a book arrived to my house.  He had ordered it as a surprise for me weeks before because he knew I sometimes struggled with my crazy brood of kids and wanted me to know that I was appreciated and doing good work.  It was unbelievable that it came to me right after he had passed, but just the title brings me comfort. My Dad was my biggest fan and always supported me as a stay at home mom - and I’ll carry that with me and my children will benefit because of it. If you think about it- this was the last thing he "Said" to me.  I got the message and will keep doing the best I can. All of you other Moms out there take note. You Matter. Your Children Matter.

Little things continued to happen. I went to Nordstrom in Austin needing funeral clothes for my Mom and me.  Imagine my surprise when the super nice girl helping me in this crazy time was named “Meredith Marks”.  My maiden name is “Meredith Mark”.  Just felt meant to be.

My Mom recently got really, really sick.  I feared we may lose her too.  I went back and forth from the hospital for days and one day popped into Target for some supplies. Something made me impulse buy Pink’s new CD. Pink? I know, sounds crazy, but I may be her biggest fan of all.  I popped it in and the most perfect song came on over the car stereo as I drove to the hospital.  “Beam Me Up” was perfect for me at this time, when my mom was so sick and all I wanted was my Dad to be there, but didn't have the words.  I never buy stuff like that, but that song brought me great comfort driving back and forth to her hospital room for over a week. She has since recovered, thank Goodness and now I hope to make you all Pink fans too :)  (She writes her own stuff by the way)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFYm9LKsuUo

People are good.  Friends showing up unexpected with treats, goodies, to take the kids,etc.  Marshall’s childhood friend dropped off this basket to bring the kids some sunshine.  

My neighbor and sweet friend brought this book.   She had lost her own father when she was very young, it meant the world to me.
http://onethousandgifts.com/

Friends popped by to take the kids, brought meals, babysat.  My first day home 4 dear neighborhood friends came by with a basket of my favorite things, all of them had suffered the loss of a loved one, many had lost their father.  It was so comforting.  Friends from near and far came to the funeral and the rosary. Some flew in on an airplane. It was such a comfort to have them there.  My life long friend, Megan and her mom Metha, helped my Mom and I plan the funeral. They did not leave our side. She and her mother pulled us through that week and were the family that we don’t have in Texas. They even met me at the gate (with the help of the FBI who have been beyond amazing to us) when I had to get on an airplane and fly to Austin alone 30 minutes after learning my Dad was gone.  Which reminds me of the complete stranger that saw me so distraught in the airport and brought me a cold glass of water. I am grateful. 

My sweet Raleigh friends met me in NYC for a quick girl’s getaway.  What a healing weekend that was.  And my amazing friend Kristen that came to the beach with me and my 3 kids and treated them like they were her own so that my kids could go on the beach trip my parents had planned when Marshall couldn’t.  That is a good friend. a really good friend. Beach with 3 littles ones is not easy.

My Mother in law has literally carried me through this and taken care of my kids when I couldn’t, as have so many others.  I have a stack of letters, notes, emails, messages that provided comfort- I received letters from people that I haven't seen in forever or whom I barely knew. The list could go on and on and on and I’ll hold these thoughts, actions, and people in my heart forever. I say all of this here to remind me, and my children, that bad things are going to happen in our lives, but there will be very good things and very good people that will help us through it.  And there will be signs of those that have passed all around us.  Their memory will live on and we will be okay. And I say it to say THANK YOU to all of you.

My Dad loved us with every ounce of his heart and soul.  He prayed and prayed several times a day for his family, for you, me, our World.  He believed that the little actions in life are what mattered.  St. Therese of Lisieux was one of his favorite saints.  Therese believed in doing the ordinary, with extraordinary love. I hope you will read about her and find inspiration from her life too. Happy Birthday Dad- you would be so pleased with the outpouring of love that you and we received when you left us.

Cheers. I'll have a Good beer  in your honor on Friday.